the one with the waiting

I hate waiting.

I mean, I HATE it. 

I hate waiting the two minutes for my coffee to brew and get into my cup. 

I hate waiting in lines at the grocery store. 

I hate waiting in traffic. 

I hate waiting for things I want.

I hate waiting for a baby.

Most people who read my blog probably know my big (ahem, skinny) sister. She's the real writer in the family - she effortlessly combines depth, story-telling, advice, and humor in the best kind of way. You also may know that she has four {beautiful, amazing, perfect} children -- and that before there were four, there was infertility. I watched my sister pray, fast, weep, persevere and everything in between during those trying years. 

I always feared that her struggle would become mine when I was ready to try for children. And here I am, relating in my own younger-sister kind of way. I haven't been trying for a really long time but I haven't been trying for a short time either. I'm not going to say exactly how long it's been because I'm sure there are people that have waited for less time / more time than I have who can relate to what I'm experiencing.

I'm consumed with waiting.

It's all I can think about right now. I want to say otherwise. I want to say that I'm fine, that I'm faithful, that I'm at peace, that I'm full of trust, joy, and all those qualities our Lord so perfectly embodies. But I don't feel that way right now. I feel far from that. I know that anxiety makes getting pregnant harder. But how on earth am I supposed to not be anxious right now? I know that this isn't a form of punishment and that I'm young and that Sarah had a baby when she was verging on...dead...but I was kind of hoping for something less difficult, less wrinkly.

I want to just bask in all that I do have - and I have SO much. I feel humbled by all that God's given me and I feel angry at myself for being consumed with waiting when God has done nothing but bestow mercy, blessing, grace, and love in my life. Who am I to question God's timing or God's plan? He's perfect and prayerfully, one day, with a baby in my arms, I'll look back and sigh all motherly and wise and say, "Wow, God's timing was perfect and so much better than mine."

But that's not what I feel right now.

When I was 14, I proclaimed Jesus as my Lord and was baptized into his name. As a young teenager, I remember making him Lord of my doubts, my selfishness, my young-teen emotions. And I meant it. I surrendered and I gave him control of my hormone-ridden life. But really, at 14, I was making a decision to keep making Jesus Lord. At every age, at every stage. I re-made that decision at 15 when my parents moved me to a different state, a different high school, a different culture, a different church; again at 16 when a teenage boy broke my heart and I felt ugly and unlikeable; again in my early twenties when I was in college, dealing with a painful breakup, single and vowing to stay faithful even if marriage wasn't in the cards for me; again in Georgia, again in New York, and here I am again, vowing once more to make Jesus Lord of this circumstance. I'm reminded that I made Jesus Lord of my life at 14 - but really, I'm called to re-make that decision daily. Sometimes it's easy. Sometimes it's difficult. But I find that the real test for me is fairly consistent - will Jesus be Lord of the waiting? Will Jesus remain my Lord, the director of my life, the controller of my decisions while I wait between the mountain-tops, the victories, the blessings?

I answered yes at 14, I'm answering yes at 27, and I promise to keep answering yes.

At every age, at every stage:
Jesus is Lord.

the one with the savoring {in vacationland}

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just look around, smile to yourself, and get that warm-fuzzy, life-is-so-sweet, kind of feeling? The kind of moment where you feel like your heart might burst from just feeling so happy ? It's the moment where you just sit there - wanting so desperately to bottle up the all-too-rare feeling of sheer contentment - before schedules and anxiety inevitably interrupt?

For me, those moments usually happen while driving in the car. They come on all of the sudden: windows-down, summertime sun making me squint, husband in the driver's seat, sandaled feet on the dashboard, driving to or from the beach. And as the [usually country] music blasts and the wind whips my tangly, unruly hair - I just breathe in the fresh, salty air as the New England world outside our window blurs into a vision of green, SO much green, wildflowers, and quaint homes that are too precious for real humans to actually inhabit -- and I take it all in.

It's in these moments, these brief moments of peaceful joy, that my soul remembers that things aren't as stressful as they seem and that life is, actually very wonderful.

We're currently in Kennebunkport with J's family and as I write this - I've somehow packed several of these too-few moments into the last 24 hours. We're staying in the most adorable cottage, backed by a perfect garden with secret benches, a lone chipmunk I call Alvin, and lots of perfect prayer spots. We're close to a beach and a bike ride away from town. We ate lobsters last night and then J and I biked into town with his sister, Jenna, and her husband, Collier. It was the kind of ride that reminded you of childhood, where at some points you're zooming so fast down a hill that you're not sure if you're going to crash to your death or just take off the ground altogether. I'm close to deciding that this is what heaven is like.

Also, someone may or may not have fallen of their bike and into a bush and I may or not still be laughing about it. Ahem, Collier.

I know this moment won't last forever, and I know that even this moment will have its imperfections - but I also know that God must love making moments like this for us. Giving us snap-shots of all-encompassing joy and a taste of our future home with him.

So as August nears its middle and September (and increased responsibility) creeps closer, I plan on savoring every last sweet moment of summertime bliss in Vacationland, USA.

Exchanging "the house with the red door" for "the house with the lime green door" this week.

"He's her lobster!" - Friends (obviously)

The most delicious fresh lobster on our first night.

Sister love :) 

Let's savor, shall we?

xoxo

A+J

A+J's {semi} sarcastic guide to cruising

Earlier this summer, Jesse and I got to take a special vacation all over the Caribbean with two of our best friends. When we got married, we always planned to take a special trip in Year 3, so after much consideration - we decided on a cruise! Originally, we wanted to go to Europe but quickly realized that with our particular line of work, the idea of packing 7 to 10 days with walking and exploring and cutlure-ing was far less appealing than lying on a beach and eating a LOT of food. What can I say? We know our strengths. 

After one week-long cruise, I am definitely not an expert. However, I do have some basic insights to offer.

And I give you,

A+J's Semi-Sarcastic Guide to Cruising

1. Go with friends and enjoy the constant laughter that will ensue when trapped on a boat in the middle of a beautiful ocean.

2. Take advantage of the unlimited food option...meaning, order three appetizers, two entrees, three desserts every evening. This is not a drill!

3. Work out at overly-mirrored gym (for motivation, see above).

4. Frequent the nightly the Dive-In-Movie (movies, under the stars, by the pool, need I say more?). *We may or may not have watched The Fault In Our Stars and may or may not have sobbed uncontrollably.*

5. Realize that you NEVER have to wait in line for a buffet meal - you can go to the dining room and feel fancy every single day. 

6. Plan your own on-shore excursions. Except when you're in Belize... 

7. DO dress up for formal nights...or risk feeling awkward around some of the people taking it waaaay to seriously.

8. Allow your husband to graciously treat you to an afternoon at the spa! Life. Changing.

9. Take far too many photos on your smart phone and try not to mock those who insist on prom-posing for the on-board ones with the fake backgrounds.

10. Take naps. Because all that eating and doing nothing is really SO exhausting!

setting sail from Miami

adventuring in Honduras

Grand Cayman

So thankful for a wonderful week with incredible friends and a wonderful husband! In summary, I highly recommend cruising. We had a really great time:) 

xoxo

A+J

{exotic} pants in not-so-exotic places

One of the perks of being a campus minister with 70 plus young women? Sometimes they're from exotic foreign countries and bring you cool, billowy pants! And of course, I chose to wore these pants on an equally billowy day (ahem, see above). And how do you pair said exotic pants in a city very far from exotic? Simply; with a black tee, chunky necklace, denim jacket, and sandals worn approximately 3 weeks too early (worth it, my toes got to breeeeathe!). Originally, I thought these pants would be more of the beach cover-up variety but after trying them on, I've decided that they're comfortable and perfect and that I should wear them as often as possible! And these harem pants definitely deserve more than a brief trip to the beach:) 

 I know that some of you may not be as lucky in the exotic-friend department so I did a little research for you...and now I'm on the verge of a harem pant buying binge! Enjoy.

These black-and-white ones from H&M

Love this pattern from Abercrombie (they have lots of cool options - all on sale!)

And this fancier version from Express

xoxo

A+J

PS I'm selling some spring clothes over on my Instagram account (@alexandraghoman) all week. Check it out and help me do some spring cleaning!

the one with all the {remembering}

Ever had a season where things weren't quite what you expected? A time when you expected glory and victory only to be met with struggle and straining? Although I wish we could just go from strength to strength in our spiritual walk, it seems like we typically go from mountaintop to valley and valley to mountaintop over and over again. And during the valleys, I immediately forget the glory of the mountaintop! Instead, (and maybe I'm the only one), I bemoan the valley like I've never ever EVER reached a summit at all! A tad dramatic, right? Well, as I've been reflecting on this truth, I've come across something interesting in the Scriptures that I wanted to share this morning. 

Have you ever noticed that God constantly retells the same stories in Scripture? Repeatedly, he reminds the Israelites of his exploits on their behalf - that he chose their forefather Abraham, that he led them out of Egypt and through the Red Sea, that he rescued them and brought them into the Promised Land. I mean really, it's 500 years later and he's still telling them the SAME story! You know why he does that? Because they're still amazing! 

It's not that God is trying to be his own hype man or that he's being like that weird relative who keeps telling you about his "glory days" of yore (Uncle Rico, anyone?). No, he's trying to remind them - and present-day followers -  that he's powerful, that he's able, that he's still worthy of their trust. And not only that, he's reminding us that he is still capable of doing miracles in our lives today! 

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 

I will meditate on all your works

and consider all your mighty deeds. 

- Psalm 77:11-12

What about your mountaintop stories? Do you remember when God parted the Red Sea in your life? Do you remember the chains of sin he set you free from? What about the answered prayers you've witnessed or the things you've seen him do in the lives of your friends, family members, fellow Christians? 

Remembrance is a powerful thing. It helps us to keep going and keep trusting in difficult circumstances. It reminds us that things can change and that God has helped us overcome before - and he can certainly help us to overcome again. 

With all this in mind, I bought myself a new journal (is there any greater thrill?), and dedicated it to one thing and one thing only - remembrance. All week, I've been sitting down and writing the things I've seen God do in my life. I've written down the big, obvious things and I've written the things that seem insignificant now, but were HUGE at another point in life. I don't want to forget any of it. 

As I've been writing these victories down, my faith has been strengthened. After all, the same God who orchestrated the victories of the past is certainly capable of doing so again! I'll eventually reach another mountaintop, but in the meantime I can rejoice in what the Lord already done for me. I have plenty of lessons to learn in the valley and miracles to reflect on as I wait. 

I hope this has been helpful. 

Happy Thursday!

xoxo

A+J

the one with the {never-ending winter}

You guys. It's been so long since I've posted. Sorry!!

This blog consists of our daily adventures, my fashion finds, spiritual insights, and even the occasional cooking/baking exploit. But this winter, well, life's been a tad repetitive.  You might have heard that we received a lot of snow up here in Boston - 110.3 inches to be exact. Yep, we broke a record! To be honest, I just wasn't sure what else to write about after the third blizzard. I mean, do you really, REALLY want to know what we did for the millionth day we got stuck inside?

Allow me to summarize the average A+J Winter 2015 Week:

Monday: Snow. CANCEL ALL THE THINGS. Bake. Sleep. Netflix. FaceTime warm relatives. 

Tuesday: Ok but really, it's still snowing. Read Job 37:6-7. Again.

Wednesday: Burn 1,000 calories shoveling (or watch your husband do so), leave house fully bundled with 7 layers of pants on, discuss battle stories with fellow snowmageddon survivors.

Thursday: Slush, slide, slip down the side walk. Try to see over snow mound. Get stuck in a plow pile.  

Friday: "Hey, did you hear there's another storm coming?" Shiver. Laugh. Cry.

Saturday: Listen to weather report all day. Attempt normal schedule. Stock up on ice melt. Wonder if this is how polar bears feel.

Sunday: Watch the first flakes fall. Plan which movie to rent from Amazon Instant Video Watcher. Find relevant snow GIFs from 101 Dalmatians. Send to friends. Also, consider moving in with parents in Florida.

My winter fashion look can be summed up in two words: 

Snow Boots. 

Baking/Cooking Adventures: 

Chili

Chili with Turkey Meat

Cookies

LOTS OF COOKIES

So clearly, it's been thrilling! But really, it's been a little bit of a weird winter. And although I'm being a little silly about the snow -- some cool things did happen! 

We spent time with my family over Christmas and New Year's:

We visited two of our best friends in LA before the semester began:

Carly, my maid of honor / college roommate, SURPRISED me for my 27th Birthday:

Jesse was appointed as an Evangelist and Amber and I were recognized as Women's Ministry Leaders in our local congregation: 

All in all, it's been a solid, albeit snowy beginning to 2015. I have some over-due posts I'll be sharing with you over the next week! So stay tuned!

Love from Narnia,

A+J