the one with the sneaky tactics

Sunset along the Charles yesterday

As I sit down to write my first post in over a month and a half - I'm watching day fade into night. It's only 4:15pm and yet the sun is setting and night is nearly here. Outside my window, fall's last yellow leaves are threatning to fall and it's become so much colder that my efforts to avoid the puff coat seem futile. And as I sit here, sugar cookie candle aflame, house clean and 30 minutes to call my own - I feel a semester's worth of exhaustion descend on me. 

You might be wondering why I haven't written in awhile. Is it because nothing has happened? Nope! Many things have gone on this fall -we've been busy, active, and all over the place. Is it because I now hate writing and have lost all interest in this little blog? Nah, you knew that wasn't the case. I think it's because the thing that's been on my heart recently is not simple. It's not an outfit, a recipe, a house trick, or even an anecdote. The thing that's been on my heart has felt complicated and a bit heavy. I think we call it discouragement. 

Now before you start wondering about the source of my discouragement - I ask you to bear with me. Because the truth is - sometimes a feeling doesn't stem from reality or from a specific turn of events or a life stage. Rather, discouragment, is simply a feeling that develops from how you interpret reality, life events, etc. And as I think through my last few months - that is where my discouragment comes into play. 

About a month ago - several things happened that sent me in bit of a tailspin, emotionally speaking. I started questioning my capacity to accomplish the tasks God set before me. I was feeling the bitter sting of rejection and before I knew it - I was down. Really down. As I considered my strengths, my weaknesses, and my emotional state - a very dear friend and second mom (they're the best) advised me to remember that as an 11 year old Christian, Satan is still targeting me and trying to render me ineffective for God. Her perspective shouldn't have shocked me - I mean, duh, Satan is rude and relentless, and yet there was some part of me that was a little surprised that my state was a result of Satan's schemes. Why did this surprise me? I think because I'm used to helping young women with some of Satan's louder tactics. The tactic of discouragement is sneaky and subtle. 

But as I've continued to think about her advice (and as several situations have worsened and others have gotten better) - it's only become more clear. Satan has long implemented the sneaky discouragement ploy against God's people. Why else would God warn Joshua and the Israelites to "not be discouraged" or afraid multiple times in the first several chapters of Joshua? Why else would he charge Gideon to fight against it? No, I'm convinced that when Satan fails to trap us with the neon sins in the scriptures (and believe me, I'm not immune to those either) - he attacks us with the seemingly innocent (but powerful) feelings of discouragment, doubt, and fear. The ultimate faith-busters.  

I'm not sure where you're at or how you're feeling going into the holidays or the wintery season (maybe you're feeling perfectly happy and wishing this was a post on how to dress for a Christmas party...next time, ladies) - but I'm convinced that God has a plan to use this season for our good whereas Satan has a plan to leave us feeling down, faithless, and all around jacked up! What is it for you that leaves you feeling hopeless spiritually? Is it your job and feeling like it's more than you can handle? Is it school work and feeling like it's insurmountable? Is it a relationship or a friendship wrought with conflict? Is it the unkown? Is it a feeling of inadequacy in your walk with God? Whatever it is - I believe that God has the victory over discouragment and doubt. It sounds basic - but I'm fighting his tactics with the same reliable weapons: prayer (and prayer walks - so good), lots of scripture, worship music (I'm so 'that girl'), and openness. They still work! And slowly but surely, I'm feeling really hopeful and confident that my faith level can and will change.

The sun is down now and over 30 minutes have elapsed since I began my little rant. But my heart feels a little lighter as I prepare to blow out the sugar cookie candle and get on with my evening. God is good, honesty is good, and I'm happy to back on the blog:) 

xoxo and happy weekend! 

"So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." 

1 Corinthians 15:58